Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts
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Psychology, Neuro-science, Mental Health
by: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson
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The main theme of this book: people (friends, mates, husbands/wives, politicians, business executives, lawyers and the rest of us) tend to self-justify our wrong behavior--all to reduce dissonance and ambivalence for consonance.
Perhaps, this is one of those topics where the authors just can not present their point once, but have to flesh it out in the rest of the book so the "average" reader can get it (the message) more thoroughly. Like good teachers the authors plant the idea (or theory, as they admit) in our minds, then reinforce the concept so we will never forget it--and we do not dare practice ill-behavior emotionally harmful to a relationship, or even ourselves.
The authors say we all want to move from dissonance (emotional and mental discomfort over what we or others consider bad behavior) to consonance (comfort) in our actions and attitudes. To some extent the book seems somewhat textbookish, but it can't be expected to read like a novel--not that textbooks should be boring. Dissonance is said to hurt self-esteem because the "mind wants to protect itself from pain...with the balm of self-justification....". But dissonance has its positive side, too, the writers acknowledge, by forcing us to take stock (or not) of our interpersonal behavior. The book tracks self-justification through the topics of "family, memory, therapy, law, prejudice, conflict and war", and they tell the ugly and the good.
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